


Finally Rest In Peace.

by 3DBABE1999



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Bottom James T. Kirk, Gang Rape, Hurt James T. Kirk, James T. Kirk Angst, James T. Kirk Has Issues, James T. Kirk Has PTSD, James T. Kirk Needs a Hug, Kidnapping, Past Rape/Non-con, Rape, Tarsus IV, Underage Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:27:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 13
Words: 8,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26231128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3DBABE1999/pseuds/3DBABE1999
Summary: ....After Altamid Jim, Spock and Leonard became even closer than before until the three of them began a tentative romantic relationship between all three of them.. They had eight beautiful happy months together and were making plans to move to the next step, becoming Bonded Mates and completing their triad T'hy'la Bond ..Then..During an Away Mission..That beautiful happiness was abruptly ripped away when was pronounced as KIA.. The bodies that were brought back to The Enterprise were so desimated that there was no possible way to determine whose body was whose, but, the number of remains were damning... Sixteen had gone down to the Planet and the remains of sixteen had been found and brought back to The Enterprise.. Among the bodies the only things to survive were tattered and charred pieces of uniforms and Communicators that were scalding hot to the touch and burnt black by the flames from the explosions that had ripped away sixteen crew members of The Enterprise and had taken someone precious and loved from Leonard and Spock..Five months later Spock and Leonard have moved on.. Making a gentle tentative freshly built life with Nyota..When they find Jim Kirk.. Alive..
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Leonard "Bones" McCoy/Spock, Leonard "Bones" McCoy/Spock/Nyota Uhura, Montgomery "Scotty" Scott/Nyota Uhura
Comments: 45
Kudos: 67





	1. Chapter 1

..

..

Usually where one went, two followed with them..

But Spock had to remain on The Enterprise to coordinate with two other Captains on this rescue mission..

And Leonard had to be boots on the ground because he was in charge of all three medical teams from all three ships seeing as he was the CMO of Starfleet's Flagship.

So Nyota was with Leonard to help abate Spock's worries.. And her own..

The love between the three of them.. Spock, Leonard and Nyota, had been kindled in the face of tragic loss and now it was a small, fragile flame, weathering all the things that would try to snuff it out..

Once upon a time, Spock and Nyota had loved one another and then Nyota and Spock had concluded that they were not entirely right for one another, both found there were too many things missing between them. So, Spock and Nyota had amicably ended things between them and managed to keep their strong friendship intact.

Then Spock and Leonard had a moment on Altamid and this had come after Spock had already had several moments with Jim and Leonard had also had several moments with Jim..

It hadn't been a far leap for Spock, Leonard and Jim to all three fall in love with each other.

Then Jim had died.

Nyota had comforted her friends who had lost so much and the romance that had once existed between Nyota and Spock began to bloom again as they found what they had both lacked the first time in Leonard and Leonard found that having a third person in his relationship with Spock was exactly what he and Spock needed to keep the balance. With small timid steps the three had helped each other overcome the devastating loss and move on, coming out the other side of the storm with a love built on shared grief and past romance. It wasn't the same existence defining love that Spock and Leonard had, had with Jim, but it was a love that they could both honor in Jim's memory because moving on and being happy is what he would have wanted for all of them. And even though their love was both built on and crippled by shared pains and loves from time that had already slipped away, it was indeed a love that would sustain them and see them through. It was a love that was theirs and they would, remain loyal to Nyota's strength and love that had helped to pull them from the abyss.

In the face of losing Jim and barely having kept his love with Leonard intact after that loss, Spock did not like letting Leonard off of the ship on Away Missions especially when Spock could not be there. It was a point of contention between Spock and Leonard, so Nyota was on the Away Mission as a way of keeping the peace and assuaging all of their fears that another tragic loss was always imminently waiting just around every corner.

The rescue mission was to save several citizens of The Federation that had been abducted in a mass event on a Universal Level, several planets had been hit and several people had been taken.

That had been months ago.

The Federation had been doggedly following all signs of the large terrorist cell that was targeting Federation Citizens and had finally tracked a few minor players within the terrorist cell to ties to a sex trafficking ring, the terrorist cell apparently had their fingers dipped into multiple criminal enterprises and the lowest men on the totem pole liked unwilling flesh and they had played fast and lose dabbling in toying with acting like big shots thinking their movements wouldn't, couldn't, be noticed or tracked because they were so small time they thought they would never ping on the radars of anyone too important on either side. They had been wrong.

Three of Starfleet's best Starship Crews were brought together in a joint effort to bring as many victims home as possible..

Armed military armadas had been sent all over every known quadrant taking down various branches of the terrorist cell and rescuing as many other kidnap victims as possible. 

Leonard and Nyota were with two medical teams and an armed detail as the sex trafficking ring part of the terrorist cell was taken down and the members were taken into Federation Custody.

After the way was cleared for medical personnel, Leonard and Nyota moved in with doctors and communication specialists for victims who couldn't speak a known language, because some victims weren't even from The Federation and there were some victims who couldn't speak at all, thus communication specialists accompanied the doctors making it so Nyota's constant presence at Leonard's side during the mission wasn't questioned. 

Leonard moved from room to room in the compound getting thorough documents on how each victim was kept to help in both treating each individual victim and it would also help ensure that each and every one of the evil psychos that had taken the victims would be locked away for the rest of their evil lives..

As they moved through the compound they passed victims being freed or victims that had already been freed being taken on gurnies to the mass evacuation tent for medical analysis before they were to be beamed aboard one of the three ships for temporary treatment during transport to home and safety.

Leonard walked into a room with Nyota on his heels and in the room was a naked man chained and shackled to the back wall by just one ankle and he was fighting everyone who came near him. The man fought like feral wild thing.

"Take it easy!" Leonard shouted at those trying to free the man, but apparently the man didn't realize that and only thought they were more rapists there to hurt him, not an entirely unexpected reaction even though most of the other victims had cowed away trying to shrink themselves into tiny balls to avoid being hurt, some did try to fight.. Of course none had fought to this extent..

But as Leonard shouted at the team trying to free the man.

The man stopped fighting and looked straight at Leonard with familiar, piercing blue eyes and rasped out one word that brought Leonard's universe grinding to a halt..

"Bones?"


	2. Chapter 2

..

..

Standing before them, alive, was James Tiberius Kirk.

There was no way to know how it was possible that Jim was somehow alive when all bodies and communicators had been found. But there the man was staring at Leonard with such wide, hopeful, tear filled eyes as the bruised, battered, bloody, naked man began sobbing.

"Bones!" Jim wept in exclamation that sounded pained and yet excited as the man lurched for Leonard having seemingly forgotten he was bound by shackle and chain to the wall and thus Jim fell to his knees with heartbreaking crying that sounded so hurt and so happy at the same time as Jim exclaimed.

"Bones! .. I knew you'd find me!.. I knew you'd come! .. I knew it! .. I knew you and Spock would never stop looking!" Each word exclaimed in pained yet happy sobs sending daggers into Leonard's soul as Jim knelt in the floor pulling as far as the chain would allow and reached, stretching his arm out for Leonard, crying and more devastatingly.. Laughing in a manic teary chuckle repeating that he knew, he knew Spock and Leonard would find him, that he knew they would never stop looking, he knew they would come ..

Breaking out of his state of shock Leonard edged closer to Jim.. How did he handle this? .. What should he, could he, say? 

The second he was within reach, Jim gripped Leonard's shirt and pulled Leonard closer until Leonard was also on the floor on his knees.. Jim borrowed into Leonard's chest sobbing and clutching him, pulling himself closer into Leonard like Leonard was a life raft and the floor was a raging sea or like Jim was trying to bury himself inside Leonard's chest as if Leonard was the only source of warmth and safety in a dark frigid night surrounded by rabid wolves.

Jim chanted Leonard's and Spock's names like a mantra.. 

"I knew you'd come.. I knew you'd never leave me.. I knew you'd come.."

Nyota had yet to move.. She stood near the door looking at Jim like she had seen a ghost, her face was pale as she held one hand over her chest and the other hand over her mouth, her eyes were full of tears and heartbreak.

"Jim.." Leonard whispered into Jim's hair.. He kept his voice as gentle as possible.. Because how did he break something like this to a man who had clearly been through Hell? "Jim.. We.. We thought.. Jim.. Sixteen people went on that Away Mission.. And we got .. Sixteen unidentifiable bodies back.. Jim.. We thought you .. Died.. We thought you died with the rest of the Away Team.."

Jim looked at Leonard, his face falling minutely but there was still so much uncrushed hope.. And love and devotion in those eyes.. "It's.. It's okay.. It wasn't your fault.." Jim whispered as he buried his nose against Leonard's neck right under his chin and clutched him tighter "Hold me?" Jim begged in a pleading whimper.. "Please hold me?.. I've missed you and Spock so much.. Please.. I just want to go home.. I just need you both to.. "

"Jim.." Leonard whispered.. Tears in his eyes and in his voice as pulled back and met Jim's eyes.. "Jim... It's been five months.. We thought you died... We had to move on.. Jim.. We .. We .. Moved on.."

Something in Jim's eyes broke before it was as if the windows to his soul were shuttered closed as Jim wrenched himself away as if scalded.. His voice empty and devestated as his eyes drifted slowly, brokenly over to the door and noticed Nyota for the first time it came out with a shiver ..

"Oh.."


	3. Chapter 3

..

..

Jim suddenly seemed to realize how very exposed every inch of his naked flesh was. 

Jim withdrew, increasing the distance from Leonard and shrunk in on himself, trying to cover his nudity, his face growing red from embarrassment and the hard fought battle to rein in his tears.

His chest heaved as if he had ran a marathon and their were obvious tremors shaking his curled up frame as he tried in vain to hide himself from all the eyes he seemed to suddenly realize were in the room looking at him.

"Ca.. Can.. " Jim stuttered obviously trying not to break down in sobs.. "Will someone .. Please get the chain off?.. Please?"

Leonard cursed himself for not having already freed Jim from the shackle that still tethered him to the wall. 

Leonard nodded and fumbled with the shackle until it clicked open freeing Jim's ankle which was red and raw from infection because of course Jim fought the chain until he bled and then kept fighting even as the shackle dug into the flesh of his ankle and caused bleeding and blisters and festering and had healed and been torn back open again and again because Jim hadn't stopped fighting.. Not once.. And now here Jim was with all the fight drained out of him..

Once freed Jim pulled further into himself as Leonard scanned the heap of crumpled man in the floor and confirmed what was already obvious from simply just looking at the state Jim was in...

Jim was severely malnourished, he was beat all to hell and back and then beat again six ways to Sunday and then beat some more and there was too much damning evidence of various sexual assaults and sexual tortures .. 

Jim had survived Hell and he had come out through the other side still fighting. All it taken to break the unbreakable was the cruelties of what time had torn away unbeknownst to him even as he bared the yoke of the suffering and had held onto the very thing he had, had no idea he had already lost as a reason to keep fighting. Now Jim was like a puppet with its strings suddenly cut.. Sure there was life to him but everything that had given him the power to move had been severed. Now Jim sat curled up on the cold, hard, dirty ground with glassy eyes and no ability to find the power or the will to attempt to move..

"I just want to go home.. Can .. I.. ??.. Where is home for me now?.. Bones?.. Where is home for me now?"


	4. Chapter 4

..

..

Jim nervously cleared his throat as he pulled himself together from his understandable breakdown.. "Could I get some clothes, please?"

Someone mercifully passed a robe to Jim, who took it looking grateful and sheepish as he slipped it on, averting his eyes from Leonard and Nyota until he was fully covered.

"Right.. Okay then.." Jim gave another couple of coughs.. "What about the other victims here?" Jim's voice slipped into a commanding tone "Exactly what is the plan for abstraction?"

"Sir, we're moving all of the victims to the surface to a Medical Tent for evaluation before Beam Out to one of three ships in orbit for further treatment and to return them all home.." One member of the Away Teams replied..

"Sir?.." Jim asked the person who had answered him.. "You have Captain's stripes on your sleeves.. Why ??" 

"You were promoted.. Posthumously.. To Admiral.. Jim.." Leonard replied, his voice sounding strained..

"Oh.. That's.. That's .. Awkward.." Jim stated.. "Then does that make me..?.. Am.. Am I the highest ranking Officer here?"

"Yes, Admiral, that would be correct." the Captain replied.

"Right." Jim said "And which ship are you from, Captain?"

"Captain Harrison of The Saratoga, Sir." 

Jim nodded.. "Okay.. If I'm the highest ranking Officer here.. There's something that needs to be done... Can I ask this of the Teams under your Command, Captain?'

"If it's within the ability of my Teams, Sir, you can consider it already done."

"Good.. On the Away Mission that supposedly ended my life, there were fifteen other members of The Enterprise Crew accompanying me that were also thought to have died.. If I am alive after I was presumed dead, it stands to reason that they may be as well.. I need you and your teams to examine every single being rescued and compare the results with those of others who were presumed dead that day.. In fact.... I want files on every single Starfleet Officer that supposedly died but a body wasn't retrieved or only unidentifiable remains were recovered for the last decade.. Then I want all of those files compared with the results of every victim that's been brought to or sold out of this place.. If any of our people are here or have been here.. Let's get them home.. Yeah?"

"Yes, Sir." Captain Harrison replied then the Captain gave orders and people began dispersing except a small group that stayed with Jim.

"Well.. Admiral or not.. I'm guessing there's no escaping your mother henning.." Jim said as he caught Leonard not so subtly scanning him with a Tricorder.

"We need to get you to a Med Bay.. There's internal injuries that need immediate treatment.." Leonard replied.

"I would say not until everyone else has been helped first.. But I know you'd only find a way to ignore me." Jim said with a small chuckle "How badly do you think Spock will take the news that I'm still alive and kicking?"

"Jim.. That's not.. Trust me when I say that I am happy you're still alive.. And Spock will be too...."

"Right.. But I imagine it'll be a damn awkward inconvenience that I didn't just stay dead." Jim said with a sad smile.


	5. Chapter 5

..

..

Leonard requested a Beam Out with Nyota and Jim.. No one understood how to work around Jim's list of allergies the way Leonard did.

Once in Med Bay back on The Enterprise, Leonard commed Spock requesting Spock's presence in Med Bay.. Spock deserved to know that Jim was alive and he deserved to be told in a way that wouldn't risk the crew seeing him emotionally compromised..

So far, it was only Jim, Leonard and Nyota that were in Med Bay as Med Bay had been cleared prior to the three being Beamed aboard upon Leonard's request as it needed to be news that was broken gently to the rest of the crew but Spock needed to know first..

Nyota helped Jim onto a Bio Bed as Leonard prepared the laser scalpel, the bone knitter and the dermal regenerator for healing the injuries Jim came back covered with.

Jim was oddly quiet and pliant as Leonard worked on the long list of injuries and Nyota acted as an impromptu nurse, helping where she could.

Spock appeared just as Leonard administered a sedative to wisk Jim into unconsciousness because if Leonard knew anything about Jim, which he did, the man definitely needed rest.

Jim hadn't quite succumbed to the effects of the sedative and he still laid awake, listless, but awake as Spock appeared.

Spock's mouth minutely dropped open in shock at seeing the man on the Bio Bed.

"Hey, Spock.. I'm sure this comes as an unwelcome surprise." Jim tried for sounding like he was joking but in reality he sounded just so hurt.

Spock shook his head no as tears manifested at the corners of his eyes "You.. Are alive.. T'hy'la.. You are alive.." he said in a worshipful whisper as he moved to Jim's side and pulled the man into a halfway embrace just as Jim slipped off into sleep cradled in Spock's arms..


	6. Chapter 6

..

..

Once Jim was asleep, Spock laid the man gently down and smoothed his hair off of his forehead..

"He's alive.. Leonard.. He's alive.. Why are you not overjoyed?" Spock looked so confused.

"I'm happy he's alive, Spock.. I am.. But.. We.. I told him we moved on.. " Leonard replied..

Spock looked at Nyota who was looking back at him like she was waiting to have her heart broken.

"Yes.. But why can not the four of us..?.." Spock asked looking to both Leonard and Nyota gaging both of their reactions.

"It isn't that simple, Spock.." Leonard replied.. "And Jim's promotion in rank complicates things even further.."

"I could be okay.. If you both decided to be with him again.. I could.. I would be okay.. But.. I can't.. I don't think I could be with Jim like that.. It's just something I can't even try to picture as a possibility.. Therefore it's definitely not something I can just force even for the sake of both of you.. I just need to know.. How do we proceed from here?" Nyota spoke, her voice wavering and resigned as she left the room to give Spock and Leonard some privacy..

"Spock.. I know you still love Jim.. So do I.. I will always love him. .. But.. Somewhere down deep inside you know that the three of us cannot be what we once were.. Jim may be T'hy'la to us both .. But our love for Nyota also means something.. And we cannot have both of them.."

"What would you have me do, Leonard?.. Choose between them?"

"It's not easy for me either.. But I know a lot about Humans and how much heartbreak hurts.. And Nyota deserves better than that...."

"So does Jim.." Spock replied.

"Yeah.. He does.. So do I.. Spock.. I love Nyota... And I love Jim.. And I love you. .. This is our No Win Scenario, Spock.. No matter what we do in this situation.. We are all going to be hurt by the consequences of whatever choice we make.."


	7. Chapter 7

..

..

He drifted..

Shapeless..

Nameless..

Just floating in the fluid of darkness.

Until..

There were men.

Voices.

They were touching him.

Saying horrible lewdly lurid things.

There were questing fingers at his nipples, thumbs rubbing circles around the peaking nubs.

There were hands, iron clasps at his biceps. 

A roaming touch massaging his cock.

The hands, the voices, didn't stop, no matter what noises of pleading protest he gave voice to. 

He struggled.. His foot connecting with a face and a grunt and bellow followed.. More hands held him, pinning him even as he cried out, begging, no, please, no, no more, please no more.. 

The touching wouldn't stop even when he retched, vomiting and pissing himself in pained fear.

His struggles only brought his assaulters and harrassers more sadistic pleasure and brought them in closure.

He lunged out and sunk his teeth into whatever he could reach and locked his jaw refusing to let go even as fingers tried to pry his teeth out of the flesh it was locked onto.

He let go only to jolt forward and bite into the interfering hand instead.

A bellow sounded, a pained scream.

"Jim!!" Disembodied voices shouted from the darkness.

Fingers crept onto his face, coming to rest on his forehead and cheek.

He moaned in pain, fear, confusion..

Let it be over.. Just please.. Let it end..

Then a voice whispered into his mind..

"Jim..."

There was a strange, heavy feeling in his core that oozed into his limbs as calmness overtook his panic.

He gave a sharp inhale and opened his eyes then winced against the harsh lighting as it seared his eyes.

He made a noise of distressed embarrassment as he realized it had only been flashbacks and nightmares and he had hurt both Spock and Bones and probably several of Bones' medical staff. 

"Sorry" Jim rasped feeling guilty "Bad dream.."

"No need to apologize, T'hy'la." Spock said soothingly as he brushed a hand over Jim's forehead, instinctively Jim shied back ever so slightly but Spock still caught it.

"Sorry.." Jim whispered again.

Spock only shook his head looking sad. 

"I .. Did I kick someone?.. I think.. I might've bit someone too?.. " Jim stated hanging his head and hunching his shoulders "I need to apologize for hurting them." 

Bones shook his head and revealed a bandaged hand "You already did.. And like Spock said.. There's no need.."

"I'm still sorry.. I didn't know where I was or who.."

"We know, Jim." Bones said gently "And it's okay.." 

"I still hurt you.. I'm still sorry.. Just let me be sorry, heh?" 

Bones rolled his eyes "Still the same stubborn, mule brained, Jim, we all know and love.."

Jim and Bones both awkwardly winced at the word love while Spock stared at Jim with awe and devotion.

"So.. I guess.. The three of us kind of need to talk.." Bones said heavily.. "About us.."


	8. Chapter 8

..

..

Jim looked small as he shrunk in on himself..

"You said you and Spock both moved on?" Jim's voice was vulnerable..

"We did.. But... Jim.. We thought you were dead.. You being alive.. We never stopped loving you.. It just hurt... So much when you died.. When all we thought we had left of you was each other and a pile of ashes.. It put such a strain on both Spock and I until we almost ended things between us.. Nyota was there for both of us.. She helped us keep from losing eachother in the wake of losing you..." Bones replied..

"And you both fell in love with her.." Jim concluded..

Bones nodded "But we both also still love you... Always will.. You're literally one third of our souls.. "

Spock took Jim's hand in his and Jim could feel Spock's love through the touch..

"T'hy'la.." Spock said reverently.. 

"Spock.." Jim whispered "I love you too.. Both you and Bones ... I love you both so much.. But.. I don't know if I can do this.." 

Jim hung his head and cried "I'm in such a messed up headspace right now.. I mean .. I physically attacked you both!'

"That was a nightmare.. Jim.." Spock pleaded..

"And what if it happens again?.. And again and again?.. What if it happens every time I so much as close my eyes to sleep? ... Not only would that be a lot of sleepless nights for everyone but my damaged mind plagued with all that trauma and all those nightmares would eventually chip away at both of your sanities as well until I drag you right into the same abyss I'm trapped in.. And Spock.. Spock will be going into Pon Farr soon.. He'll need someone who can.. Provide.. Sexually... And I don't think I can be healed enough .. Mentally.. For something like that anytime soon.. And Spock will also need to complete the Mating Bond and my mind.. Just isn't in the right space for something like that.."

"Jim.." Spock whispered..

"I don't know if I can do this.." Jim cried.. "I feel like I don't have enough time to heal physically or mentally because believe it or not we are on a clock that's ticking down to time before Spock goes through Pon Farr and the last thing any of us wants or needs is for me to lose my shit and start lashing out at either one of you while trapped in a nightmare or flashback while Spock is trying to navigate against the instincts that will on one hand want to kill me if I hurt Bones or kill Bones if he accidentally hurts me.. And on the other hand be wanting to fuck me six ways to Sunday and then he'll feel horrible and guilty once it's all over because some part of him will know I wasn't ready for that even if we managed to get through Pon Farr unscathed and without having sex Spock will still come out of this knowing and fearing what he could have been capable of and THAT is going to be his first experience going through this.. It should be a time of joy and mate bonding and lots of sex.. And I don't think that I can give any of that right now.."

"Jim.. I could have months before going through Pon Farr.." Spock said reassuringly..

"Yeah.. But it could also happen tomorrow.. There's no way to know.. And months?.. What if a whole year goes by and I still can't get my head back on straight? .. Then there's .. The whole Promotion thing.. We have no idea what Star Fleet or The Federation is going to do with me or want from me now they know that I'm alive.. They might whisk me away for months of debriefings that I can't refuse or reassign me to a quadrant of space the opposite side of The Universe from where they have The Enterprise.. We have no idea what's going to happen or how to try to plan for it.. Which means... Who even knows where I'll be when Spock goes through Pon Farr or if Starfleet or The Federation or whoever might be trying to hold my leash by then will even let me get there on time?" Jim said it while looking down at his hands..

"All issues we can think of solutions to at a later date.." Spock reassured Jim and this time he hugged Jim to his chest and kiss Jim's hairline..

"Bones?.." Jim asked tentatively.. "Spock seems so confident.. So sure.. But.. You don't.."

"I just don't want to break anyone's heart.. Because I know how that feels.. And I dread the moment we have to tell Nyota that we can't be with her any longer.." Bones replied and looked down, his face solemn..


	9. Chapter 9

..

..

The next few days were a tightrope...

Jim didn't want Spock or Leonard to just end things with Nyota .. Not yet... He wanted them all to take a few days to think things over..

They had time. They were still orbiting the Planet where Jim was found, just at a little bit more distance as victims were still being found and rescued.

The Saratoga had found several other underground outlets with more offenders to arrest and more victims to be taken to care and safety.

It was a grueling process to scour the whole Planet and find every outlet where victims were still held captive.

All fifteen people that had gone on that ill fated mission with Jim that day.. Every single one of them..

Had now been accounted for.

Alive.

Aa the fifteen others to disappear when Jim did were all originally Enterprise Crew, they were immediately beamed to The Enterprise's MedBay upon Jim's order as he was an Admiral.

Starfleet and The Federation had been suspiciously quiet over Jim's seemingly umpteenth resurrection from the dead with only well wishes and telling Jim to rest and heal and take it easy and updating Jim's uniform to a very soft knit beige tunic that had a green and gold diamond pattern that was bordered with thin red and blue lines at the neck and sleeves along with intricate embroidery of his rank right above the patterns on both sleeves. 

Now suddenly with the resurrection of fifteen others who had disappeared with Jim along with the resurrection of several other Starfleet and/or Federation Personnel who had gone missing over the last decade, both Starfleet and The Federation were now making a lot of noise and Jim was suddenly needed everywhere.

The Promotion to Admiral of course was permanent no way was anyone going to rescind it even though Jim practically begged to just go back to being a Captain, worried for his ship and his Crew and worried that The Powers That Be would take him away from where he wanted to be.

So far Jim was left to his own devices in his comfy beige tunic and loose tan pants that were soft like sweats but still nice enough to be considered uniform and the running around thing was of his own devices as he wanted to be involved first hand in every stage of apprehension of the criminals and the rescue of the victims. The noise that Starfleet and The Federation were making didn't help matters any as even though they had made no real demands of Jim (yet), there was still implications that someone somewhere up the ranks was trying to create roadblocks in the deeper investigations of who was behind what and trying to just keep things quiet because of how badly reputations could be blemished if a light was shone too harshly on who failed where.

Jim was still technically.. Not medically cleared.. Yet.. And he probably wouldn't be any time soon as Bones had all the say in the matter and Jim was only allowed to work if he returned each and every day to MedBay for a full head to toe workup which included psyche evaluations to monitor for if everything was getting too much for Jim with reminders of what he went through not only everywhere he looked but being shoved in his face daily.

Spock and Leonard tried to space their time out evenly between Nyota, Jim and their duties.

Nyota understood where their heads were at and understood that they were taking time to think things through and that it wasn't just them that needed to think on things it was her and Jim too that also needed time to straighten out their own minds with Nyota subtly shoving Spock and Leonard in Jim's direction whenever she could because she knew their choices were already made she just needed them to see that and to be prepared for the emotional blow when it dawned on them and they came to terms with telling her.

It hurt, yes. But they had never really been hers to lose. Had they? 

She wondered if her acceptance of the eventuality she knew was coming meant she loved Spock and Leonard less than she thought or if it meant that she loved them more than she realized and was just mature enough to love them enough to let them go.

So she would let Spock and Leonard take their time and bear with them doting on her so gently like every moment with her might be the last and ignore the little angry voice in her mind that kept chanting "Tell me. Just tell me. Tell me DAMN IT! Just rip off the bandaid and tell me you're leaving me!" and ignore the gaping open wound filled with pain every time she thought about how much it was going to hurt when they finally did tell her that they were leaving her.

But worse was the pain of what happened when she pictured them telling her.. That they were staying with her.. That they had chosen her.. That little quiet pleading voice that chanted "Pick me. Choose me. Love me." .. For reasons that escaped her those thoughts hurt worse.. Because all she could think about is how much that would hurt JIM.. And she didn't want any of this to hurt Jim any more than she wanted herself to have to hurt.. And it was strange.. But she wanted.. Jim.. To be .. Happy .. even more than she wanted her own happiness..

She knew what Jim was to Spock and to Leonard.. T'hy'la..

Friend. Brother. Lover.

She cared about Jim as a Friend and loved him like a Brother.

But when she thought if she could be with him like a Lover, wondering if she could have that too, with them, all three of them she couldn't help but cringe because the thought of just kissing Jim felt like thoughts of kissing an actual brother or a close cousin she couldn't possibly attempt to imagine being even more intimate with him without feeling squeamish.

But Jim's happiness was important to her and so was her own and so were Leonard's and Spock's happiness and while T'hy'la's might be literal Soulmates them choosing just Jim or just her might not be what makes any of them truly happy in the end..

What if?

What if there was a way that Spock and Leonard could keep Jim AND keep her too? Without her having to be with Jim 'like that' obviously because ahe still couldn't bring herself to think about trying to kiss Jim let alone have sex with him... But she could SHARE with Jim.. If he could share with her. Technically they were sharing them now as everyone took time to reflect and think things through.

Sure it might cause problems.. 

But...

It also might be the only solution..


	10. Chapter 10

..

..

He lay on a chaise lounge. 

One bare leg against the back crooked at the knee, the other dangling off the side, his knee bent, the tips of his toes dragging purposefully against the rug, relishing the feeling between his toes.

Bones was kissing the dimples of his bent knee that hung lazily off the side of the lounge while Spock sat under the upper part of his torso cradling him in his lap and he sat reading reports with his glasses shifting slightly as Spock massaged his scalp. He dug his toes into the rug, squeezing them into the loose faux fur then dragging his foot back and forth his leg swinging as Bones loosely massaged his calf and kissed at his knee chuckling with a "Do you ever hold still?" ..

He snorted. Both of his lovers already knew the answer to that.

He yawned sleepily and slid his PADD under the chaise lounge . "I've had enough paperwork for the day." he grabbed Bones by the collar "C'mere, you." he said with a grin which Bones mirrored as he snaked his way up Jim's dangling leg till he rested between Jim's boxer clad legs, against Jim's tee shirt covered chest. Jim massaged Leonard's scalp like Spock was doing for him. Bones nuzzled under Jim's chin and then nuzzling turned into kissing and Spock's eager mouth joined in until they were a tangled mess on the chaise lounge unable to figure out how to get each other out of their clothes which resulted in some over excited ripping at the seams. 

Jim laughed as part of his boxers came away in tatters. Their lovemaking was playful tonight and involved a little horsing around. Bones bit at his neck.

Ow.

A little too hard.

Jim squirmed away from the bite.

"I said hold still." A voice growled.

Not Spock's or Leonard's voice.

The body on top of him pulled back.

It wasn't Bones.

Horrified. Jim struggled.

Thrashing. Hitting. Kicking. Every part of him was in this fight. His elbows. His knees. He even headbutted his assailant.

He curled his vulnerably bare knees against his chest trying to cover his partial nudity but his assailant was grabbing his legs, trying to pry them open. His bare foot connected with a face.

His hand open palmed hit someone in the chin.

Hands were everywhere.

"Stop!.. Stop!" Jim shouted "Spock! Bones! Help!"

He used his fingernails and felt them dig into tender skin and heard a corresponding hiss of pain.

"Help!' He cried out "Bones!.. Spock!.. Where are you?!.. Help!"

He pushed a body away from him "Help me! Please! Someone!"

His arms were caught in a vicelike grip. His legs were restrained by a body holding them both down.

Two voices joined in a cacophony. "JIM!!"

Jim snapped awake..

Bones was on his legs and Spock was holding his arms.

There were scratch marks on Spock's face and green blood revealed itself accusingly under Jim's fingernails.

Jim drew in a sharp inhale and it escaped in a shuddering sob "No.. Not again.." He blubbered messily as his lips trembled and his nose began to get runny.. "I hurt you both again.."

"Jim.. It's okay.." Bones began but Jim interrupted.

'No!.. It's not okay.. Waking up to find out I hurt you both again?!.. I can't wake up from this nightmare because THIS nightmare is real and doesn't end!.. It's worse than the actual nightmares.. Worse than what happened to me.. Because it's ME.. hurting YOU.." 

"Jim.." Spock whispered soothingly.

"No.." Jim cried.. "I can't keep doing this to both of you.. I need you both to go.. Just go.. I wanna be alone."

"We're not goin anywhere, darlin." Bones replied firmly.

"Why are you both so stubborn?!" Jim exclaimed with a thrash trying to escape them both or chase them away with an epic tantrum.

"Because you are also stubborn. Thus we must be stubborn enough to outlast your stubbornness until you give in." Spock said gently.

"But I'm trying to look out for both of you!.. What if next time I do real permanent damage?!.. I could accidentally hurt one or both of you irreparably or worse accidentally kill one or both of you!.. Please! I can't let you keep risking your own safety like this!" Jim begged.

"It's our safety to risk." Bones replied.

"And we do so willingly and gladly." Spock joined in.

"How did you get in here anyway?" Jim asked as he realized this wasn't the Captain's Quarters he had once been so used to but Guest Quarters suited for anyone of an Admiral's Rank which he had been living in for nearly a week since his rescue and release from MedBay aside from the daily trips he must still make to appease Bones. The entrance code wasn't the same as the entrance code of his Quarters when he had been Captain.

"Emergency Medical Code." Bones said with a lopsided grin.

"I thought I disabled that." Jim mused.

"I had a feeling you might try to do something foolish and hardheaded.. So.. I disabled your ability to disable it.. Spock helped. And it's a good thing too.. That nightmare had your bloodpreasure through the roof. You were close to having a stroke. We had to wake you up. And before you ask. I have biometric scanners monitoring your health and no I won't tell you where they're hidden. And.. Also.. No, you're not getting special treatment and you're not taking needed resources from anyone else. All the other survivors are also under the same level of monitoring as you are.." Bones ranted but gently.

Jim couldn't help but let out a chuckle "Wow.. You always think of everything."

"I have to, to stay one step ahead of you. It's the only way to keep you from doing something dumb and reckless."

"Until I dismantle everything in my room to find the bioscanners and disable them." Jim said teasingly.

Both Bones and Spock gave him looks of severe disapproval.

"Kidding!.. That would be destroying Starfleet property." Jim said with a laugh.

Both Spock and Bones raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

"Fine.." Jim huffed "I promise not to actually tear apart The Enterprise to try to find the bioscanners."

Bones rolled his eyes.

Jim looked around the room getting his bearings back. 

Yes.

He remembered now.

He was in Guest Quarters. 

He had fallen asleep on the couch in his boxers and a teeshirt, both of which were now soaked through with nightmare sweat. 

The bed was too.. Too much sometimes.. The couch had felt safer for whatever reason..

Until the nightmare fucked that up..

Oh well.. There was always the floor..

But that would upset Spock and Bones if they just let themselves into his space, which he now knew they were capable of, and saw him sleeping on the floor. 

"I'm.. Okay now.." Jim said steadily.. "Crisis averted. No strokes or heart attacks here.. Guess you guys can.. Go?.. Now?.. I kinda wanna go back to sleep." 

They both looked at him disbelievingly... 

"I'm not.. Trying to be.. I don't even know what is that I am being.. Whatever it is.. That's not what I'm trying to be.. I'm just tired.. Cranky.. Sore.. The nightmares aren't exactly something I can control.. And they take another out of me.. But you both already know that.. It's just.. Waking up all scared and vulnerable to being held down while coming out of a nightmare about being held down.. It's a little.. Much.. And it's also awkward and embarrassing because there's not a lot I can do or say that will keep either of you away even when it's for the safety of both of you.... And I just.. Sleep?.. I just wanna sleep.." Jim's breath was shaky.. "But the nightmares won't stay away and .. It's exhausting.."

"Do you wish us to stay?" Spock asked "We can remain close to wake you before your dreams become problematic and thus circumvent the nightmares." 

"But that still means no one is getting a full night's sleep.." Jim complained.

"We'll sleep in shifts amd monitor you with a Tricorder and only wake you should your brainwaves start looking like you're heading towards a nightmare... And I can give you something to help block the worst of the nightmares so they don't have a chance to get physical that fast again. It won't keep away short bursts of scary stuff that might slip through but it won't let you work yourself up into full blown terror like that again."

"Okay.. As long as we all get some sleep." A testament to Jim's true exhaustion. He didn't keep putting up an argument.

Leonard gave Jim a hypo that would keep his nightmares from getting so extreme and then as Jim slipped back into slumber, Bones and Spock took turns keeping watch.


	11. Chapter 11

..

..

Jim was trying to chase them away.

Leonard could see the signs. He had known Jim longer than anyone else on the ship and he had spent two decades as Jim's best friend and confidant before becoming Jim's lover and he knew Jim.

Knew that Jim was trying to leave them before they left him or chase them away to prove to himself that they could in fact be chased away and finally prove that he was right all along and everyone does eventually leave him.

It was enough to put Leonard in a foul mood.

Because in a way.. Jim was sort of right..

After all.. 

Spock and Leonard hadn't taken very long after Jim's "death" to move on.. Had they?

Or at least that is how it would appear to Jim who couldn't possibly know the full story. And if Spock and Leonard could move on so quickly and easily once then they could simply just up and do it again. Leonard knew Jim's thought processes.. Jim was worried that he couldn't heal fast enough and that Spock and Leonard would get tired of waiting and move on.

What a conundrum.. Because there was proof that they could move on.. Had moved on.. And somewhere in the back of Jim's mind Jim feels betrayed even if he won't admit it and thus somewhere in the back of Jim's mind Jim would always be waiting to be moved on from again.. And wouldn't that eventually wear on Leonard and Spock and drive a wedge between them all?.. Which in the end would prove all of the points of Jim's paranoia.

Maybe they all needed some counseling to muddle through this..

After all.. It wasn't everyday where someone was disintegrated into oblivion only to later be revealed alive and whole after five months of being assumed dead.. Jim needed to talk about what all happened to him and Spock and Leonard needed to figure themselves out because it was hard to know how to handle the situation when Jim's assumed death had almost caused Leonard and Spock to separate.. It wasn't fair to Jim to be the only thing holding Spock and Leonard together especially when Jim needed to be able to focus on healing.

Yes. Spock and Leonard loved each other..

Yes Spock and Leonard were just as much Soulmates as Jim and Spock or Jim and Leonard..

But..

When Jim had died?..

Leonard had chafed because of Spock's Vulcan demeanor .. How could Spock go through each day without breaking down?.. Where was evidence of Spock's GRIEF?.. 

And Spock..

Spock had been cracking under the hurtful accusations that he didn't truly love Jim because his grief wasn't showing and Leonard didn't know because Spock had shielded Leonard from his grief because the weight of Spock's sadness would have crushed Leonard had he not shielded. 

Almost daily Leonard had shouted at Spock to cry.. To mourn.. Did he feel nothing? 

Until Spock had snapped.

Leonard's mind had almost wound up charred rubble because Spock had dropped his shields for a fraction of a second as the onslaught of Leonard's painful accusations had finally cut deep enough to break Spock's control for a fraction of a second.

The guilt of accidentally hurting his remaining T'hy'la had driven Spock away. And Leonard .. He had felt horrible because he had suddenly known just how much pain Spock had been feeling and he had basically been telling Spock he wasn't grieving enough and accusing Spock of not loving Jim because there wasn't enough grief being shown..

For two months after Jim had died there had been a cold chasim of grief and guilt separating Spock and Leonard. The fracture had been getting wider, the hostility had been cutting deeper.. 

The worse Leonard had felt about hurting Spock and taking his grief out on Spock would turn into anger which Leonard would take out on Spock. The worse the grief and guilt was the worse the anger would be in a never ending cycle because he had always been so certain that Spock wasn't feeling anything until there was proof that Spock did feel which would give Leonard a sick sense of satisfaction because he had forced Spock to FEEL SOMETHING and forced him to prove he was actually FEELING IT. He had just loved breaking that Vulcan facade.

No. It had never become physical.

But it had still been abusive.

And Spock had suffered mostly in silence, trusting only one confidant with the pain his beloved T'hy'la was causing him.

Nyota had kicked Leonard's ass and made him feel a few things too..

Nyota had pushed Leonard into breaking just to show Leonard what he was doing to Spock.. 

It had hurt. 

But then she had helped them put themselves back together again.

And somehow it had ended up being her that was burdened with being the only thing keeping Spock and Leonard together.

Leonard and Spock needed to be able to hold themselves together without anyone else acting as the glue or else everything was going to fall apart.

Soulmates doesn't mean easy.


	12. Chapter 12

..

..

Leonard started small.

He knew he had a lot to make up for.

Jim didn't know what a bastard Leonard had been to Spock during those first months after Jim was presumed dead and now Leonard needed to show Spock that he was trying for them.. Trying for Spock outside of Jim, outside of Nyota.. 

But Jim needed to know that Leonard was trying too.. Trying for Jim outside of anyone else..

It isn't an easy balance to keep.

So Leonard starts small.

Date nights with just Spock. Date nights with just Jim.   
Nyota purposefully fades into the background and won't let anyone try for her, she has her own life to figure out and she's drifting away from Leonard and Spock and refusing to be what moores them to the shore. They need to figure out their own anchor because she won't keep letting herself be used like that. She hasn't broken things off with them and they haven't broken things off with her. It's a stalemate. She's stubborn and wants the decision to be in their court so that she doesn't have to be or feel responsible for whatever fate awaits them after the choices are made. But she won't be a pawn to be used either. Either they figure their crap out and choose her or stop being cowards and end it and be with Jim.. She won't make that choice for them and she refuses to make that choice any easier. 

So Leonard tries for those that will still let him try for them.

But somedays it feels like his efforts to bridge those gaps gets him no closer to being fully allowed back in ..

Being on the outside looking in is cold and lonely place to be..


	13. Chapter 13

..

..

Leonard pours himself into work.

There's others that have survived the same ordeal as Jim.

Leonard does what he can to help them heal when his struggles to help Jim climb out of the abyss keep failing.

The first patient he sees that day is a man named Doctor Thomas Leighton.

Though the man is a doctor he isn't the sort of doctor that would have him running with the same circles as Leonard.

No.. Thomas has doctorates in Mycology and Botany and thus Leonard has never really interacted with the man outside of annual checkups..

But now...

Thomas Leighton draws special interest from Leonard..

All because of one question.

"Is Jim okay?" 

Leonard doesn't know what sort of hell any of them have been through or how much of that hell was suffered together and while he does know that Jim is pretty laid back with giving people permission to call him by Jim instead of by his Rank Leonard doesn't know how or when this guy on his exam bed got the right to call Jim by Jim and it irks Leonard because he's the eighth one out of the other fifteen survivors to do it in less than a week.

Just how close had Jim gotten with these people?

Because he can see geniune concern in Thomas's eyes and there's been geniune concern in the eyes of the others that have asked. It isn't the concern though. It's tbe affection. He has seen fondness and love in the eyes of everyone who has asked after Jim's wellbeing and it makes Leonard wonder what happened between Jim and all of these other eight people for them to love Jim in such an obviously telling way that they can't even hide that look from their eyes..

And an ugly reptile curls in Leonard's heart..

Maybe Leonard and Spock weren't the only ones to move on in Jim's absence..


End file.
